MEGA Marathon

"The surest cure for vanity is loneliness."
-Thomas Wolfe

This week VH1 has been airing the "America's Next Top Model Mega Marathon"--all seven seasons of ANTM back to back. I've taken a few breaks for meals of Cheez-its and coffee and an occasional episode of "House" on DVD, and then it's back to the fireworks that result when putting several drama queens in the same house and in the same competition. It's TV junkie bliss.

"Dude," I've explained to my brother, "It's almost as addicting as 'House.'"

"I'm not going to watch 'America's Next Top Model,'" he replied.

"You've got to. Are you afraid you're going to like it?"

"No," he said. "It's the principle of the thing." End of conversation.

In any case, I find the show phenomenal, besides the fact that it turns me into a judgemental prick. Here's a few of my own comments while watching the show:

"She is not confident enough."
"She does not look like a model."
"She's way too bland."
"She's way too awkward."
"She's too annoying."
"She's got the looks, but not the attitude."
"Are we out of Cheez-its?"

So far, I haven't found myself judging the people outside of the television in the same way. I don't think I've been walking down the street wondering why in the world a fellow pedestrian left home dressed in that.

But the ANTM girls are opening themselves up to be judged, so I don't feel so bad. They can cry all they want, but I won't feel too bad. What were they expecting? This show's been on for seven seasons now. They should know that they're hair and makeup was not always as perfect as they always thought it was. They should know that Janice Dickenson is going to say hateful things.

By the way, Janice is the show's weakest aspect. She is more vain than any of the competitors. Luckily, I've heard rumors that Tyra has not invited her back for next season.

That was a bit of a tangent. Back to the judgemental stuff: as long as this marathon goes on, I'll be doing my judging. The day I make it on "America's Next Top Model" will be the day those girls can say what they want about my appearance. Until then, they have no right dissecting my looks. That would just be judgemental.