Dispatches from Suburbia

If I played an instrument, I would have a band called "The Simon Thomsen Sex Tape"; and other musings, rants, and disconnected ramblings.

Monday, February 05, 2007

I've Moved On, Steve, and You Should, Too

Quote of the Day: "Serenity now!"
-Frank Costanza

After yesterday's post, I received some wonderful comments in which people shared their own horror stories about jackass neighbors. I especially liked the Pine-Sol story from "anonymous" (who I later discovered was my mother).

I've had an entire day to think about this, and fume, and though I'd love to get a drum set or an electric guitar--two instruments I'm sure the fascist next door would absolutely love--I've decided to give it a rest for now.

After yesterday's altercation, my neighbor, Steve, was smiling. Plus, my landlord likes me and I like him, and I'd hate to make him feel like a babysitter. When confronting me about the volume of my television, my landlord even said in regards to my neighbor, "Some people have to go to the landlord. They can't just ask you to turn it down."God forbid my neighbor has to leave his lair and walk the few steps to my door.

So I've moved the TV. I've made it clear to everybody I know that the parking lot is reserved, so visitors MUST park in the street so Sir Cry-a-Lot doesn't have another fit. By the way, this was never a chronic problem. ONCE, Kim's grandmother misunderstood, and she (gasp!) parked in his space. He totally went off on her--he screamed at the poor old woman because she misunderstood.

Then, last night, when our friend parked in Steve's spot, that was strike two, and he had another fit, and blah blah blah--if you read yesterday's post, you know the story.

What bothers me the most is that I've let this anger me so. I feel as if I'm a lesser person for allowing myself to dwell on this for a full 24 hours. I can't even focus on my schoolwork. The way I'm so consumed by this, so irritated and irritable, makes me sound like somebody I know--Steve!

But two posts is enough to spend on Steve. He deserves no more. Here's the new Simon Serenity Prayer:

Now it's time to let it go.
I will not speak to Steve or even think about him anymore.
Breathe deep--life's too short.
In the time that it took me to write this post,
I've found peace with the situation.

Now I can forget about Steve and enjoy my apartment.

That is, until Steve's next complaint.


At 9:42 PM, Blogger Laura said...

I like the little poem you wrote about your experience with your neighbor, Steve. You think he would have cut you some slack though. I mean, being Superbowl Sunday and all. Some people just can't do things nice. They have to make a big production over every little thing. Maybe you'll luck out and either neighbor Steve will change his tune or if not, maybe he'll move out soon.

At 4:36 AM, Blogger etain_lavena said...

hihihihi...nice prayer! Maybe Steve is ALONE and he needs to draw attention to him, so he can feel less alone....whahahaha.....


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