Dumb Animals

"You'd be damned to be one of us girl/ Faced with a dodo's conundrum/ Ah, I felt like I could just fly/
But nothing'll happen every time I try."
-The Shins, "Australia"

At work we serve free-range chicken breasts. I've been told that these chickens are massaged like Kobe beef, they play music during the killing, and the chickens are fed all-natural organic meals. The chicken costs a fortune, and it tastes just like any other chicken.

Chickens are the stupidest animals on the planet. They live in their own filth, they have wings but can't fly, and to top it all off, as a food they are the most boring protein on the planet. Don't get me wrong; I like plenty of dishes that include chicken as an ingredient. But it takes a lot to make chicken special-there's not a lot you can do with it. I just think it's ludicrous to spend so much on it.

As for the humanity of free-range chicken: Do they really recognize that they are being massaged? Here we get into a very existential discussion, and even Plato's allegory of the cave comes to mind, but do the chickens realize the difference between death by a quick beheading and death with massage.