Dispatches from Suburbia

If I played an instrument, I would have a band called "The Simon Thomsen Sex Tape"; and other musings, rants, and disconnected ramblings.

Saturday, January 13, 2007

Dirty Jokes and Dentistry

Quote of the Day: "Please allow me to introduce myself/
I'm a man of wealth and taste."
-"Sympathy for the Devil (I've recently decided that the quotes I include on my posts don't always have to be related to the post itself. Call me lazy. So from now on I'll just include a quote that I personally find appealing, followed by a post that may or may not have anything to do with the quote. The following post is about orthodontia and pedophilia. Enjoy. -Simon)

Today I cleaned out my coat pocket--nothing but candy wrappers. That is my weakness: chocolate. It is my Kryptonite, my biggest craving, which is probably why I required dental repair, despite brushing my teeth on a regular basis, when I was in middle school.
I had a pretty bad cavity that required a root canal, a filling, and my gold onlay. My dentist happens to be my uncle, which isn't always good, especially when your uncle likes to tell dirty jokes. Nothing is more sadistic than making one laugh while you have a drill in their tooth.

"Hey, little boy," he cackled, " let's see what we have here." Then he clamped open my mouth, looked inside, and joked, "So, little boy, did I tell you I once planned on becoming a priest?"

So let's review the creepy combination of the following factors:

1. It's a trip to the dentist (which is creepy enough),
2. You need a root canal,
3. and your dentist, who happens to be your uncle, is emphasizing your young age and joking about pedophilia in the Catholic church while shoving a drill in your mouth.

What can I say? Ya gotta love family. Plus, he's one of the best dentists in town. I now have an awesome gold onlay on my molar. That's my bling. It has never fallen fallen off, and the filling has never come loose. I have most confidence in that one tooth, the one that is made up of several artificial materials.


At 7:14 PM, Blogger Stewart Sternberg said...

Reminds me of an Alice Cooper song: "Unfinished Sweet", which has the line: "The Doc says the teeth are okay, but the gums gotta go."

At 6:35 AM, Blogger Michelle's Spell said...

Hey Simon,

Your post is terrific today! Anything involving the dentist gives me the creeps.

At 5:03 PM, Blogger Shionge said...

Yo High Five Simon! I love chocolate too :D Yep! Hated visit to the dentist too.

At 11:46 AM, Blogger Sheila said...

Is it safe? ;o)


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