Dispatches from Suburbia

If I played an instrument, I would have a band called "The Simon Thomsen Sex Tape"; and other musings, rants, and disconnected ramblings.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Valentine's Day Massacre

Quote of the Day: "Begin at the beginning, and go on till you come to the end: then stop."
-Lewis Carrol, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland

Tonight I finally made my lobster.

I purchased the creatures this morning. When the woman from the grocery store removed them from the tank, the lobsters stretched their arms out wide, as if to make themselves look larger and more intimidating, or maybe they both knew what was coming and just wanted a hug.

After I brought them home and used them to chase the dogs, I befriended the crustaceans. I put them in a pan and covered them with a wet towel before placing them in the fridge. All day long, whenever I went for a snack, I asked how they were doing, if they needed anything, if they had any last requests.

I considered using dental floss to create lobster marionettes. I one point, I thought it might be fun to having them play out scenes from classic films. I could put a hat on one and have it say to the other, "Here's looking at you, kid."

Instead, I chose to let them live their final moments with dignity. Even when I put them in the boiling water they didn't fight back. I just tossed them in and closed the lid. No screaming, no rattling, nothing. It was very anticlimactic.

They tasted delicious too. The missus and I gorged ourselves on lobster, shrimp, scallops, bacon-wrapped filets, sauteed mushrooms, and basil berblanc (sic?). But the lobsters got me back. Turns out I have a minor allergy to shellfish.

I never knew this. I've had lobster before, but I always thought that the itching on my hand was from squeezing lemon in my palms to kill the shellfish smell. This time, immediately after cracking open the shell and having lobster juice spill across the back of my hands, they swelled, began to itch, and I broke out into a speckled rash.

I've decided to take it like my lobster friends. No big deal, just an uncomfortable allergy. I finished my meal with a quiet dignity, and I concluded the feast with a respectful nod to the carcass of my lobster buddy.


At 6:31 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

That is not an approved list for dental floss.

At 6:43 AM, Blogger Michelle's Spell said...

Great quote and I'm glad you had a good Valentine's Day despite the evil allergy!

At 12:38 PM, Blogger Laura said...

I've never had lobster, and I don't think I ever will. Just the thought of those poor things going into the boiling pot alive would ruin my appetite. Sorry about your allergy though.


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