Dispatches from Suburbia

If I played an instrument, I would have a band called "The Simon Thomsen Sex Tape"; and other musings, rants, and disconnected ramblings.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

A surreal situation

"The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom."
-William Blake

Once I was at a party, and this girl had the hots for me. She was eyeing me and flirting and all that wonderful stuff and I was feeling quite handsome, although her eyes were glassy and she had been drinking quite a bit. I was twenty.

Well, I kept asking questions, trying to make conversation. Where you from? Ohio. You go to school? Yeah. How old are you? 18. (Yes, this last question is necessary, as the conclusion of this post will prove).

At the same time, some other guy was trying to get her attention, completely disregarding me and feeding her drinks and attempting to be far more charming than me, and to a certain extent, succeeding. And, though I tried, she kept leaving my arm to go to him.

So, after spending much time drinking and sulking, pining for the one that got away, I slept on the lawn that night and I later awoke in the sprinklers. I learned some time later that she and that guy retreated to the bedroom after I’d lost consciousness. I guess she’d come out crying and hysterical, claiming that he’d tried to force sex upon her. It sounded pretty bad, and to this day, I’m quite thankful for my drunken stupor.

Some other partygoers had chased him out of the house—and the entire time I was zonked out on the lawn.

I found out later that she was actually only 15, and I’m not sure what ever became of the guy. It was a complex, icky situation, and though I’m happy that it didn’t involve me. After that, and I stuck to the milder parties. It’s really strange how things work out.


At 9:38 PM, Blogger Dorky Dad said...

When you woke up, did you ask yourself, "aah, the few moments before I remember why I woke up on the lawn ..."

At 10:03 PM, Anonymous mist1 said...

Am I the only person who has never awakened in the sprinklers?

At 1:13 AM, Blogger ShadowFalcon said...

Oh dear, lucky you that last thing you want to to be blamed for trying it on with a minor

At 10:33 AM, Blogger Sheila said...

Sounds like quite a night. I'm glad that nothing became of you and the underage and luckily she got away from the perv trying to force himself upon her. Yay to you for sticking with mild parties!

At 2:44 PM, Blogger Steven Novak said...

A girl had the hots for you?

I call bullshit. ;)


At 3:21 PM, Blogger Dan said...

Dude! You didn't tell me she was 15!! Oh my god, why did you let me out-charm you and win her affections?

You're mean! ;)

At 3:26 PM, Blogger Stewart Sternberg said...

I love these kinds of stories. Parties do bring out the worst and the best.

mist1...yes, you are the only one never awakened in the sprinklers. You've led a sheltered life.

Hey, do you remember the scene in ANIMAL HOUSE where Kroger discovers the girl he's had to his bedroom was twelve, and that her father was the mayor?

At 5:55 PM, Blogger Bird on a Wire said...

Yeah, I know, I sound like I'm giving myself a lot of credit. But I promise, she was dropping hints that were pretty blatantly obvious. Not so subtle.

At 9:28 PM, Blogger Laura said...

I can't believe I'm saying this, but it was a good thing that you got drunk and passed out on the lawn. The last thing you'd need is to have a 15 year old girl accusing you of sexual conduct with her.

At 3:53 AM, Blogger JR's Thumbprints said...

You're lucky. I deal with plenty of dudes in prison for CSC (Criminal Sexual Conduct).


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