Dispatches from Suburbia

If I played an instrument, I would have a band called "The Simon Thomsen Sex Tape"; and other musings, rants, and disconnected ramblings.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Dana and Norm

"A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'."
-Woody Allen

The following is an excerpt from a short story I've been working on. Here's the situation: Dana, a high-schooler, is stuck on an elevator with Norm, a cocky frat boy who, due to the heat, has stripped down to his underwear. Oh, and its about sex (like the majority of my writing). So here it is.


Norm’s restlessness grew. He’d twitch and scratch and pace, making Dana, who sat on the floor drumming her fingers, increasingly nervous. They’d been talking to the woman on the intercom off and on for a while now, and Norm and Dana had heard countless times “Just a little longer” and “They’re almost there” and “Hang in there.”

Finally, Norm plopped down next to her and sighed. He scooted close to Dana and said, “You’ve got to get out of that sweater.”

Dana scooted away. “Give me a break.”


“Don’t be a pervert.”

Norm pulled away, taken aback. Then he shrugged. “I didn’t think you were very comfortable, all sweaty like that.”

Dana’s jaw dropped. She wiped the sweat on her forehead with her sleave, paused for a moment, and shook her head. She began to unbutton her sweater. Mom hadn’t allowed to her leave the house without covering her bare shoulders that morning. “Mijita!” she’d cried. “You might as well leave naked!”

Still unsure of Norm’s motives, Dana now wished she’d worn a t-shirt beneath, rather than the camisole with spaghetti straps. Not that she was revealing a whole lot—she still had on her tennies and jeans.

She caught Norm looking at her, though not in any deviant way. There was reverence in his eyes, and Dana loved it. She moved close to him.

“This is kind of boring, isn’t it?” Norm asked.

“I’m not keeping you entertained?” Dana said, playfully.

He leaned into her. “I think we could be keeping each other entertained.”

He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and she tensed. He was clumsy and not so subtle. Despite her discomfort with the situation, she smirked with amusement.

“How about a kiss?” Norm asked, moving closer.

“No way,” she said, moving away. She wasn't sure she could see herself doing anything remotely intimate with a stranger on an elevator, no matter how cute he was. Norm finally pulled away.

“I got it,” he said. “You're one of those Bible-thumpers. Saving it for marriage, aren't you?”

Dana laughed, mostly at herself, knowing that yes, she was one of those people.
She was the good daughter, living in the shadow of her brothers’ partying and countless girlfriends. Once she’d walked in on 17-year-old Antonio and his chica rolling about on his bed. When Antonio realized that Dana was in the room, he lept from the bed, brown skin glistening with sweat, leaving the nude girl to fend for herself. Because the blankets were strewn about on the floor, the poor thing was forced to cover her breasts with Antonio’s Cowboys sweatshirt.

Dana did not see what the big deal was when it came to sex. Mom never said anything about the subject, and her brothers seemed intent on keeping Dana clothed and away from men. Whatever the situation, Dana hadn’t really seen sex’s appeal, especially after seeing her nude brother and his girlfriend, sweating, panting, and thrusting like two animals. There was nothing appealing about that.

Sitting in this elevator with a member of the opposite gender, she remembered the time that Johnny had walked into her room when she was studying with the unfortunate Clyde Sedberry, a scrawny waif of a boy with blond hair and glasses, a boy for whom Dana had absolutely no desire in terms of a romantic attraction. Still, despite the open history books and Clyde and Dana’s lack of physical contact, Johnny flew into a rage when he found the two alone in, God forbid, Dana’s room. After that, Clyde and Dana refrained from speaking to each other.


At 5:39 PM, Blogger Stewart Sternberg said...

I like Dana, and the contradiction between the expectations for gender behaviors.

Is there a theme? You have the two characters getting warmer, indicating a sexual tension? Followed by some innuendo and then a description of sex and no sex.

Most of this is obviously character development, but I thought I would ask where you wanted to go with this.

At 5:45 PM, Blogger Stewart Sternberg said...

I just reread the comment I made..I should have said: theme beside the contradiction between expectations for gender behaviors.

At 1:06 AM, Blogger ShadowFalcon said...

interesting story. I'll refrain from givng my opinion for now, need to mull it over


Post a Comment

<< Home