Frightening car rides

"The camera is ruthless and cruel. It reads the mind of the person in front of it."
-Gregory Nava

This weekend I went to the NM Filmmaker's Conference, which was, from my perspective, a total success. Everything was practical and worthwhile, and I now a firmer grasp on the film industry.

Anyway, here's a scene I wrote last semester. The characters are my brother and I. In fact, this is a real incident, but in screenplay format.

INT. CAR - DAY

Simon drives and Robbie sits in th passenger seat. Music plays lightly, and the two brothers casually chat.

Simon is twenty and Robbie is seventeen. Robbie is looking out the window when Simon gets his attention.

SIMON
Hey! I think I know that girl.

ROBBIE
(peering out of Simon's window)
Who?

SIMON
(pointing)
In the silver car.

We see a girl driving a silver car. She's chewing gum and minding her own business.

Both boys are looking at her.

ROBBIE
So do you know her?

SIMON
I don't know. She's kinda hot, though.

They continue to watch her. Robbie turns and looks out the windshield. We see a stoplight change form green to yellow.

Simon continues to stare at the girl.

ROBBIE
(high pitched scream)
It's yellow!

Simon slams on the brakes. The car screeches to a stop with plenty of space to spare ahead of hit. Obviously, there was no real need for panic.

EXT. CAR - CONTINUOUS

The skid marks is at least eight feet long, and reveals that the car as slid from the middle lane to the right. The light turns from yellow to red.

INT. CAR - CONTINUOUS

The boys look frazzled. Robbie leans forward to once again look at the girl.

We see that she is staring directly at them, shocked.

SIMON
Don't look at her. Don't get her attention.

Robbie leans back.

ROBBIE
Damn. I smell burning rubber.
(beat)
So do you know her?

SIMON
No.

The light turns green and they drive away.