Dispatches from Suburbia

If I played an instrument, I would have a band called "The Simon Thomsen Sex Tape"; and other musings, rants, and disconnected ramblings.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Bathroom phobia, part II

“Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.”

-P.J. O'Rourke

So I'm a little immature, and I haven't finished writing about the potty. What can I say? Tomorrow I'll get off the subject, OK?

When I was a boy scout, our troop spent two-weeks at a summer camp nestled in the Sandias. My best friend and I had decided to join the scouts, not realizing that we were too weird to gracefully take part in group-based activities. While the rest of the troop was busy tying knots or something around the campfire, Brian and I were dropping glowsticks into the vast hole known as the outhouse. The glowstick illuminated the muddy waste for at least a week. I had no idea they lasted that long.

I didn't make it for the full two weeks. One was enough. If you read my post from yesterday, you know that I carry a somewhat unreasonable fear of public restrooms. Well, even as a child, I had this same fear. So, as you can imagine, placing my butt on that splintered wooden hole filled with there's no telling how many week's worth of you-know-what, without even the paper seat protectors, was not going to happen. No way, Jose.

I had a horrific stomach ache by the time a week had elapsed. I visited the camp nurse, saying that I was terribly ill (she suspected dehydration, but I knew better). The second time I visited her, I said that things were only getting worse, that I was growing ever more sick. Finally, I was sent home to cheer at the sight of clean porcelain. I appreciated the toilet tenfold after that day. I almost curtsied it before using it.

I abandoned poor Brian, though, who returned after a week to say, "Thanks a lot. You left me." I feel bad for the guy--it's hard being the lone outcast in a group of rosy-cheeked campers, but I had my own problems. While the rest of the scouts were learning how to interact as team or a unit, I learned a little something about independence.


At 12:49 PM, Blogger ShadowFalcon said...

lol For your sake I hope you never have to go camping again!

At 3:27 PM, Blogger Dan said...

So I'm a little immature, and I haven't finished writing about the potty. What can I say? Tomorrow I'll get off the subject, OK?

No! Don't get off the potty! The potty is where all of life happens, where most revelations occur (because there is so much sitting and contemplating).

More potty posts!

At 4:37 PM, Blogger Shionge said...

But you have to go means you have to go ya? :D

Luv your potty stories, keep coming!

At 6:44 PM, Blogger Laura said...

You certainly do have potty issues.


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