Dispatches from Suburbia

If I played an instrument, I would have a band called "The Simon Thomsen Sex Tape"; and other musings, rants, and disconnected ramblings.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Coffee stains, part II

"You're so pretty when you're unfaithful to me."
-The Pixies
(This quote has nothing to do with the following post. I just like The Pixies, that's all.)


My dachshund, Coffee, finally completed her recent, how should I say this, "time of womanly inconvenience" (I think that's what ZZ Packer called it in a short story I recently read for class).

Anyway, whenever I mentioned to people that my dog was on her period, the most common response was, "I didn't know that dogs did that." Well, they do. And it lasts for what seems like forever. Near the end, when I hadn't any clue how much longer her bleeding would continue, I shredded an old t-shirt and crafted a diaper-like thing to wrap around her bottom end.

This took a while. The first one had a hole in the wrong spot for her tail, so this had her walking around the house looking rather uncomfortable. The second one, though the hole was in just the right spot, slid right off of poor Coffee's bottom. She's such a small creature, one that has refused to grow since she was a puppy.

Finally, I crafted one more--this one with a proper hole and suspenders that wrapped up and around her tiny shoulders and tied to the diaper, or pad, or whatever it should be called. She trotted about the house as if she was proud of her new fashion statement and I no longer had little red speckles all over my home. This piece of clothing didn't even budge.

Her period ended a mere two days later and we retired her new piece of clothing. After all that. You should've seen her though, in her silly, wrap-around onesy. Unfortunately, I couldn't find my camera, so here's a picture of Coffee when she was still a puppy, when she was still innocent. Before she became a woman. Here she is, crying out in her own way, "I am Coffee, hear me roar."


At 5:27 PM, Blogger John Ricci said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

At 6:10 PM, Blogger Lee said...

Ugh...the dog is surely cute but blood specks? I just threw up a little in my mouth.

My dog has taken to rolling in deer poo in the backyard. One more time and his new name is Stir-Fry. He'll taste great in sweet-n-sour sauce.

At 10:06 PM, Blogger thethinker said...

I hope you don't have white carpet.

At 10:18 PM, Blogger JR's Thumbprints said...

I suppose you named your female dachshund for the color of her hair and not after ZZ Packer's "Drinking Coffee Elsewhere."

At 2:08 AM, Blogger ShadowFalcon said...

I think most women preffer you you don't talk about it at all.

I'm now even more gald we had male dogs.

At 5:20 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

What did I do to deserve a post about doggy periods?

Look, I'm sorry, okay?

At 9:34 AM, Blogger Steven Novak said...

I know you said it's the most common response, but...well...I didn'[t know dogs had periods.

DO they cry a lot and require large amounts of chocolate? ;)


At 3:52 PM, Blogger Danny Tagalog said...

It's funny but we dogless households don't associate dogs woth periods. Thanks for enlightening us! Best to face reality and all that.

Good quoted lyric -time for a Pixies flavoured post methinks, or at least tome for Black F to dominate the stereo...


Post a Comment

<< Home