Dispatches from Suburbia

If I played an instrument, I would have a band called "The Simon Thomsen Sex Tape"; and other musings, rants, and disconnected ramblings.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

"Dispatches" exclusive!

"I want to see your kitty and a little bit of titty--/ Want to know where I go when I'm your city?"
--Kevin Federline, "Popozao"

Thanks to tabloid photographers, some light has been shed on the recent, shocking divorce of Britney and Vanilla Ice--er, KFed.

"Dispatches from Suburbia" has the photo, as well as a shocking commentary from the KFed's stunning mistress (shown above):

"He just knew how to treat a woman. Last weekend, he spent the allowance Britney gave him by taking me to HER favorite fancy restaurant, Red Lobster. Then, we went out for cigarettes, followed by a delicious dessert at Mickey D's. I'm just a country girl, so it was nice getting a taste of the fabulous life. I feel bad about what happened between Britney and him, but he was just so sweet, and we clicked, ya know?"

Alright, I'm sorry. I just wanted to point out how absurd our fascination is with these two. I find them both so unappealing, and yet, I can't get enough of them...Kevin got his 15 minutes, so he'll be off of the radar sooner than later. As for Britney, her time will be up soon as well. She'll drop off of the face of the earth, and in twenty years she'll make a comeback after a few bad plastic surgeries and a stint in the Betty Ford clinic.


At 8:30 AM, Blogger Laura said...

Sad that in this country we seem to know more about our entertainers, movie stars, and so forth than we do about world events.

At 8:41 AM, Blogger Bird on a Wire said...

No kidding. Sad, indeed.s

At 9:27 AM, Blogger Michelle's Spell said...

This cracked me up! Love the K-Fed quote.

At 11:56 AM, Blogger Erik Donald France said...

Fed Ex is a dirtydawg from Hell, but don't you think Britney has some good novels in her?

With a name like Spears, she may yet go far.

At 12:48 PM, Blogger Bird on a Wire said...

Erik-I'm looking forward to her memoir. I imagine something no more than 40 pages entitled "Chaotic: The Britney Spears Story."

You know what would be even better? A biopic with Reese Witherspoon as Brit and Jamie Foxx as Ex-Lax. And the Olsen twins as their kids.

At 1:25 PM, Blogger melanie said...

who is that guy?

yea brittney should have finished high school before going into a singing career. Wonder what her GPA would have been?


At 1:26 PM, Blogger heartinsanfrancisco said...

Could you remind me just why, exactly, we're supposed to care about these people?

What's shocking is that their divorce got top billing over the election results. No wonder our country is so colossally messed up.

Thanks for visiting my blog!

At 2:06 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree with heartinsanfran. I paid more attention to the Britney/K-fed split than the election results.

At 6:33 PM, Blogger Bird on a Wire said...

Melanie-that foxy lad is yours truly.

At 1:33 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think they are like a car accident you know its awful but you can't help looking.

At 2:00 AM, Anonymous Mike The Chemist said...

Amen, brother


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