Dispatches from Suburbia

If I played an instrument, I would have a band called "The Simon Thomsen Sex Tape"; and other musings, rants, and disconnected ramblings.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Existentialism and microwaves

"The thing that hath been, it is that which shall be; and that which is done is that which shall be done: and there is no new thing under the sun."
Ecclesiastes (1:9)

At work, our microwave broke (which is fine with me because it's an expensive restaurant that, in my opinion, should avoid using the microwave at all costs).

Anyway, the situation led to a conversation about death rays. "How?" you might ask. Well, Matt, another line cook, informed me that two local men invented a death ray.

"How?" I asked.

"They used 400 microwaves," he replied, as if that really answered my question. "They did it on their free time," he continued.

"Well," I asked, "what for?"

Excitedly, Matt told me that the death ray could cook a burger on the inside and leave the outside cold.


"Isn't that what a single microwave does anyhow?" I said.

"Well, yeah," he replied, "but this does it really fast. And if they did it fast enough, it would blow up the burger." We quietly considered this for a moment, then Matt broke the silence: "But they haven't used it on anything living yet."

Unsure of why they would want to, and completely unsure of where this conversation was headed, I asked, "So...are they planning on selling it to the military, or what?"

Matt shrugged and got back to work, leaving me standing and peering at the empty spot in which the microwave used to sit.


At 8:13 AM, Blogger Laura said...

Funny post and great picture. I remember years ago when my kids were young and my microwave broke. I was on the phone with Grandma, who never owned a microwave saying, Oh no, now how am I going to heat up all this leftover food from last night? Grandma answered back, Well Laura, get out the pots and pans and heat the stuff on the stove, silly girl! Funny how we get used to having modern appliances and think we can't get along without them.

At 1:24 PM, Blogger Erik Donald France said...

Interesting post and shot, indeed. In pulling up Tom Perrotta's website, I noticed you share a birthday with him and Danny Bonaduce, too, since he also mentions Hitchcock and Castro :->

At 1:51 PM, Blogger Bird on a Wire said...

If I remember correctly, Hitchcock's 100th birthday actually fell on a Friday the 13th. I think. I might need to make sure.

At 1:52 PM, Blogger Bird on a Wire said...

Laura--you're absolutely right. I was able to get rid my cell phone, but my microwave--THAT'S pushing it.

At 9:32 PM, Blogger JR's Thumbprints said...

We had a microwave at work. Whenever, a state employee used it, my classroom computers would shut down. Isn't it funny how some conversation get started but end up going nowhere?

At 1:33 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

lol I won't be eating there. You lukcy no one went crazy, the microwave in our office broke for one day and people almost started to riot


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